UPSHUR COUNTY, WV — A West Virginia hunter’s carefully planned morning in the woods was briefly thrown into chaos Monday after he consumed his entire supply of snacks before 9 a.m. and arranged to have Tudor’s delivered directly to his tree stand.
According to witnesses, 38-year-old hunter Brandon McKinney entered the woods shortly before daylight carrying nearly $6,000 worth of hunting equipment, three electronic devices, two knives, four different scent-control products and only two granola bars.
Both granola bars were gone by 7:12 a.m.
McKinney reportedly attempted to continue hunting but declared the situation an emergency after hearing his stomach growl loudly enough to startle a squirrel.
“I thought I packed more,” McKinney said. “But apparently that extra pocket was full of hand warmers, batteries and another release aid.”
At approximately 8:47 a.m., McKinney placed an order for two biscuit sandwiches, fried potatoes and a large sweet tea.
The delivery driver initially refused to leave the pavement. However, McKinney increased the tip and provided directions that included “turn where the old barn used to be,” “stay left at the creek” and “keep going until the road quits looking like a road.”
The driver’s compact sedan arrived beneath the tree stand 41 minutes later covered in mud, leaves and several scratches that were not present when the delivery began.
“I deliver food,” the driver said while holding a paper bag above his head. “I did not realize this order required four-wheel drive and a winch.”
McKinney lowered a rope from the stand and successfully retrieved the breakfast without climbing down.
Wildlife officials said the smell of biscuits, gravy and fried potatoes immediately spread through the surrounding woods, alerting every deer within approximately two counties.
McKinney denied that the delivery ruined his hunt.
“Nothing was moving anyway,” he said between bites. “If anything, the gravy might work as a cover scent.”
Trail-camera photographs later showed three deer leaving the area at a brisk pace shortly after the delivery vehicle arrived.
The driver was eventually able to return to the highway after McKinney provided additional directions and pushed the car out of a mud hole using a nearby log.
At press time, McKinney had placed a second order after realizing he forgot coffee.
Dale Hatfield inspected the remaining biscuit and estimated it weighed somewhere between one and four pounds.
Wildlife biologists declined to comment on Dale’s estimate.
The Holler Herald — West Virginia’s Least Reliable News Source
If it happens in the hills, we’ll probably report it. If it didn’t, give us about twenty minutes.
