Outdoors

West Virginia DNR Announces First Official Zombie Hunting Season

Hunters must purchase a special undead stamp, wear blaze orange and stop claiming every movement in the brush was “definitely a zombie.”

Holler Mimic Advisory Warns That Answering “Hey, Buddy” Establishes Permanent Financial Responsibility

Local Hunter Checks Trail Camera, Discovers Deer Have More Consistent Schedule Than He Does

Buck arrives at 6:12 every morning; hunter arrives whenever he finds his gloves.

Giant Catfish Investigation Stalls After Every Witness Turns Out to Know the Same Unnamed Diver

Wampus Cat Advisory Reminds Residents That Screaming Back Establishes a Conversation

Snarly Yow Advisory Warns Residents That Kissing Noises Will Not Improve Encounter With Phantom Dog

Ogua Advisory Reminds Fishermen That Losing a Hook Does Not Require a Recovery Operation

Sheepsquatch Advisory Warns Farmers That Not Everything With Wool Needs Brought Inside the Fence

West Virginia Patient Zero Contained After Stopping to Explain Which Pocket Knife Everyone Should Carry

Six-hour conversation yields no additional infections, three sharpener purchases.

Grafton Monster Advisory Urges Drivers to Stop Circling Back for a Better Look

Appalachian Big Cat Advisory Asks Residents to Photograph Animal Before It Becomes a Family Tradition

Greenbrier Ghost Advisory Warns Residents That “Case Closed” Is Not Their Decision

Local Hunter Declares Woods “Completely Dead” After Alerting Everything Within Two Miles of His Arrival

“I got in there real quiet,” says man whose thermos is still rolling downhill.

Flatwoods Monster Advisory Reminds Residents That Owning a Flashlight Does Not Put Them in Charge

Mothman Advisory Urges Residents to Let Creature Finish Warning Before Asking for a Picture

Bigfoot Identification Advisory Issued After Cooler Disappearances

West Virginia Hunter Photographs Bigfoot, Still Sees No Deer

“Apparently everything in these woods can walk past my blind except an eight-point.”

Bigfoot Sightings Drop 94% After Local Man’s Facebook Account Gets Suspended

Investigators discover the creature’s migration pattern closely followed one man’s days off.

Local Hunter Checks Trail Camera 86 Times, Concludes Deer Need to Spend Less Time on His Property at Night

“They know when I’m at work,” says man who has provided deer with his complete schedule.

Local Man Fills First Tag of Season Without Ever Leaving Truck

Hunter credits years of preparation, careful scouting and one extremely unfortunate stretch of highway.

West Virginia Hunting Superstitions Nobody Admits They Believe

The lucky hat cannot be washed, the seat cannot be changed and mentioning the big buck before daylight is forbidden.

DNR Admits Insurance Companies Paid to Have Coyotes Trucked Into West Virginia Under Cover of Darkness

Officials confirm the animals arrived in an unmarked tractor-trailer carrying 600 coyotes, two folding chairs and a handwritten invoice marked ‘deer control.’

Dale’s Trail-Camera Evidence of the Week: Mysterious Animal Identified as 600-Pound Elk

Wildlife officials say the creature was actually a moth standing approximately six inches from the camera.

A Complete Guide to Animals West Virginians Swear They Saw

From black panthers to coyotes the size of refrigerators, Dale reviews the wildlife that disappears whenever a camera focuses.

West Virginia Hunter Runs Out of Snacks by 9 A.M., Has Tudor’s Delivered Directly to Tree Stand

Delivery driver reportedly followed tire tracks two miles into the woods before texting, ‘I’m beside a muddy four-wheeler and three identical oak trees.’

Hunter Spends $8,000 to Outsmart Deer That Regularly Crosses Road in Front of Dollar General

Dale investigates the increasingly advanced equipment required to pursue an animal routinely seen eating beside a drainage ditch.

Local Man Announces He Will Eat Just One Christmas Tree Cake, Accidentally Purchases 63-Pound Version

Josh Scott Outdoors founder insists the oversized snack still counts as one cake and therefore does not violate his diet.

Local Deer Files Restraining Order Against Man Who Has Checked Same Trail Camera 14 Times Today

Court documents allege the hunter also maintains 37,000 photographs of the deer and has already named him “Big Eight.”

BREAKING: Black Panther Sighting Sends Rural West Virginia Community Into Full-Blown Panic