SOMEWHERE IN WEST VIRGINIA — A West Virginia outdoorsman’s attempt to practice portion control ended Tuesday when he accidentally purchased a 63-pound Christmas tree cake roughly the size of a mature black bear.
Josh Scott, founder of Josh Scott Outdoors, said the incident began when he made what he described as a responsible decision to eat only one Christmas tree cake.
“I didn’t say how big the cake could be,” Scott explained. “I just said I was only eating one.”
According to Scott, he encountered the oversized snack cake while scrolling online shortly before midnight.
The product description identified it as “family size,” which Scott assumed meant it contained enough cake for a normal household.
He later discovered the manufacturer’s definition of “family” apparently included everyone he had ever met.
The cake arrived Tuesday morning on a wooden pallet.
Delivery workers reportedly used a hydraulic liftgate and an industrial hand truck to move it into Scott’s driveway. One worker asked Scott whether he had ordered a cake or was opening a seasonal roadside attraction.
Scott signed for the delivery without reading the shipping weight.
“I saw one cake on the pallet,” he said. “As far as I was concerned, the order was correct.”
The Christmas tree cake measured nearly five feet tall, contained approximately three gallons of white frosting and was decorated with enough red icing to stripe a county road.
Its green sprinkles alone weighed more than an ordinary snack cake.
Scott initially attempted to carry it inside but abandoned the effort after the cake became wedged in the doorway.
He then relocated it to the woods for photographs, explaining that the natural light was better and the cake “looked more comfortable in its habitat.”
Images posted by Josh Scott Outdoors show Scott holding the enormous dessert while wearing camouflage and preparing to take the first bite.
The photographs quickly attracted attention from followers.
Several congratulated Scott on the harvest.
Others asked what caliber he had used.
One person accused him of taking the cake over bait after noticing a cup of coffee just outside the frame.
Scott denied the allegation.
“That coffee was for me,” he said. “The cake came in on its own.”
Outdoors and Wildlife Correspondent Dale Hatfield inspected the photographs and estimated the cake weighed somewhere between 80 and 310 pounds.
Shipping documents listed its official weight as 63 pounds.
Hatfield questioned the accuracy of the scale.
“Pictures never do them justice,” Dale said. “That cake has at least a 40-inch frosting spread.”
Scott said he briefly considered having the cake professionally mounted but changed his mind after learning taxidermists generally refuse to work with buttercream.
He instead began eating it.
Nutrition experts estimate the cake contains enough calories to sustain an average adult through two winters and part of turkey season.
Scott rejected that calculation.
“The nutrition label says one cake is one serving,” he said. “This is clearly one cake.”
When Scott attempted to enter the snack into his calorie-tracking application, the program froze, restarted and asked whether he needed immediate assistance.
Scott selected “No.”
By noon, he had consumed approximately four pounds of cake and announced that he was beginning to feel full.
He then cut what he described as “a small piece for later.”
The piece weighed eleven pounds.
Family members suggested Scott share the remaining cake with friends, neighbors or an emergency shelter.
Scott said he would consider it but wanted to see how much progress he could make on his own.
“You don’t get something like this every day,” he said. “It would be disrespectful not to finish it.”
Wildlife officials reminded residents that giant Christmas tree cakes are not native to West Virginia and should never be released into the wild.
An abandoned cake of this size could attract bears, raccoons, squirrels and every diabetic within a five-mile radius.
Officials also warned residents not to approach an injured or partially eaten cake.
Scott later posted an update informing followers that the cake had been moved into a chest freezer after taking up most of his living room.
The freezer door would not close.
At press time, Scott had eaten another slice and continued insisting he was still on his first cake.
Dale Hatfield revised his original weight estimate to 340 pounds after seeing a different photograph.
The Holler Herald — West Virginia’s Least Reliable News Source
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