WEST VIRGINIA — The Holler Herald’s Field Services Division has released its tenth identification card after a local man responded to a bloodcurdling scream in the woods by stepping onto his porch and asking what its problem was.
The advisory covers the Wampus Cat, a half-woman, half-wildcat creature whose terrible cry can bring an entire ridge to its windows without convincing anybody to go outside.
Resident Bobby Keener heard the first scream while watching television.
“I figured somebody was having an argument,” Keener said. “Then it happened again, and the cat climbed behind the refrigerator.”
Keener opened the front door.
His wife recommended closing it.
Instead, he shouted, “You about done?”
The scream stopped.
“That was worse,” he admitted.
Field investigators say residents frequently interpret silence as evidence that their approach has worked.
In Keener’s case, it was followed by movement near the chicken coop.
“He came back inside and asked where the good flashlight was,” his wife said. “I told him it was wherever he planned to leave his shoes, because he wasn’t going out there.”
The division recommends identifying the Wampus Cat by its feline features, unsettling human appearance, and ability to make every dog in the holler suddenly remember it is an indoor pet.
Residents should avoid calling “Here, kitty,” rattling food dishes, or assuming the creature will respect a spray bottle.
“One caller asked if it could climb,” a spokesperson said. “He was standing on a wooden deck. We suggested he focus on doors.”
Keener reported no further disturbances after turning off the porch light.
He counted his chickens the following morning from the kitchen window.
His wife counted them again outside.
“He included a bucket,” she said. “He was still shook up.”
Have you encountered the Wampus Cat? Submit your field report to The Holler Herald. Include the location, what you heard, and who thought hollering back would help.
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