WEST VIRGINIA — The state’s forests contain deer, bear, bobcats and several creatures known only through blurry photographs taken from moving vehicles. For public safety, The Holler Herald has prepared this field guide.
The Black Panther is always seen at dusk, from at least sixty yards away and by somebody who begins the story with “I know what I saw.” It has a long tail until the trail-camera photo arrives, at which point it becomes a house cat named Midnight.
The Enormous Coyote weighs 140 pounds according to the witness and 38 pounds according to every scale. Its size increases each time the story is repeated at the feed store.
The Mountain Lion crosses the road in two leaps and vanishes before any passenger can unlock a phone. The witness can describe every muscle in its shoulders but cannot explain why the dash camera recorded a yellow dog.
The Giant Snake is approximately twelve feet long. It is usually observed beside a creek and later identified as “at least six feet” after a neighbor finds a four-foot blacksnake nearby.
The Bear That Stood Eight Feet Tall was measured using the scientific method of panic. The observer was inside a kitchen looking through two windows while the bear investigated a trash can.
The Albino Buck appears once every three years, just before deer season, and exclusively to people who have already used all their vacation days.
Every unidentified animal becomes 30 percent larger after dark.
Dale Hatfield recommends respecting wildlife, keeping a safe distance and cleaning your phone lens before attempting photographic proof. He also recommends not walking into the woods after midnight because “some mysteries are better left unmeasured.”
Wildlife biologists say extraordinary claims require clear evidence. Local residents say the evidence was clear before Facebook compressed it. The debate continues.
