WEST VIRGINIA — Meteorologists are warning residents to prepare for an unusually stable week of weather featuring sunshine, chilly mornings and absolutely no obvious reason to complain.
Temperatures across the state will begin most mornings in the upper 30s and lower 40s before climbing into the 60s and, in some areas, near 70 degrees. Current forecasts call for sunshine throughout much of the week.
“This is concerning,” said Holler Herald Chief Meteorologist Earl “Radar” Mullins. “West Virginia weather usually changes its mind three times before breakfast. A whole week of sunshine feels like it’s trying to distract us from something.”
Residents should expect to leave home wearing a heavy jacket, regret that decision by noon and carry the jacket everywhere for the remainder of the day.
Morning frost may also appear in colder areas, forcing drivers to scrape their windshields with expired gift cards while insisting they knew winter was coming.
By afternoon, temperatures should become comfortable enough for at least one person in every workplace to announce that it is “too nice to be inside.”
Earl arrived at the forecast after carefully examining several weather models, looking at the sky and noticing that nobody’s grandpa had complained about his knee lately.
Forecast confidence remains suspiciously high.
Residents are encouraged to enjoy the pleasant conditions without becoming accustomed to them.
“This is still West Virginia,” Earl said. “Keep a raincoat, an ice scraper and a pair of shorts in the truck.”
The Holler Herald — West Virginia’s Least Reliable News Source
If it happens in the hills, we’ll probably report it. If it didn’t, give us about twenty minutes.
