WEST VIRGINIA — Melissa Hensley announced Sunday that Thanksgiving would be simple this year, establishing a modest holiday plan expected to require seventeen separate trips to the grocery store.
“We’re not doing all that extra stuff,” she said while writing on the back of a second envelope.
Her husband, Kevin, welcomed the decision.
He had not yet seen the envelopes.
The first trip covered basic ingredients for dishes Melissa described as “nothing fancy.”
The second became necessary after she checked a cabinet and discovered that a container she remembered buying was either empty, expired, or related to an entirely different holiday.
Kevin had just removed his shoes.
“While you’re still up,” she began.
According to family records, he was not still up.
He was sitting down.
Subsequent trips involved butter, a particular size of foil pan, and an ingredient Kevin purchased correctly but in a quantity Melissa described as “not enough to do anything with.”
Kevin suggested combining the remaining items into one list.
Melissa said that was what the first list had been.
The Thanksgiving menu, meanwhile, expanded to include a second potato dish because somebody might not eat the first one, an additional dessert because somebody might bring the first one, and a ham because somebody might not like turkey.
Asked who those people were, Melissa said they did not know who all was coming yet.
Kevin stood beside the door holding his keys.
“So we’re planning for people we haven’t invited?”
“You want somebody to come and not have anything to eat?”
He declined to answer without legal representation.
By late afternoon, the household possessed enough food to sustain the confirmed guests and several hypothetical relatives.
Melissa said she was glad they were keeping it manageable.
At press time, Kevin had completed his final trip and changed into sweatpants.
From the kitchen came a brief silence.
Then:
“Did you get the evaporated milk or the condensed?”
The Holler Herald — West Virginia’s Least Reliable News Source.
