Written companion: a calendar is merely a suggestion
West Virginia has the usual four seasons. It simply refuses to keep them in separate rooms.
A normal morning can begin with windshield frost, develop into short-sleeve weather, and finish with somebody asking whether anyone brought the cushions off the porch. The calendar will insist that all three events belong to the same day.
Residents therefore observe a more practical system.
There is False Spring, when one warm afternoon persuades a person to buy plants. Second Winter arrives after the receipt has been thrown away.
There is Pollen Season, when every vehicle becomes the same color and washing yours is interpreted by the trees as a challenge.
There is Roadwork Season, recognizable by the temporary traffic light occupying a location that no longer appears temporary.
There is Porch Weather, which lasts until you sit down.
The wardrobe stays in the vehicle
Actual Summer is followed by Still Summer, Surprise Summer, and That One Hot Day After You Put the Air Conditioner Away.
Early Fall begins when a neighbor decorates with pumpkins while wearing shorts. Real Fall begins when the first person refuses to turn the heat on.
Hunting Season uses its own calendar, largely independent of weather, family plans, or the appointment somebody swears they mentioned twice.
Then comes Scraper Season. This begins the first morning you need the ice scraper and discover it is underneath everything you put in the truck during the other seasons.
A West Virginia wardrobe reflects these conditions. The coat stays in the back seat. The hoodie goes everywhere. A spare pair of shoes may be needed because the yard has entered Mud Season without consulting the driveway.
Asked which season the state was currently experiencing, the Herald’s weather desk requested clarification.
“At your house,” Earl replied, “or where you’re headed?”
He recommended taking both jackets.
The Holler Herald — West Virginia’s Least Reliable News Source.
