WEST VIRGINIA — Holler Herald publisher Josh Scott became the state’s first confirmed zombie Saturday, creating an emergency that authorities described as “rapidly developing” and Scott described as “pretty good engagement potential.”
Scott was discovered wandering through the woods in shredded clothes, staring blankly into the distance.
Initially, witnesses assumed he had been checking the website’s advertising revenue.
Concern increased when he attempted to eat someone.
“Obviously, I expected to be on the other side of this,” Scott said, gesturing toward several unfinished zombie stories. “But you work with what you’ve got.”
Officials urged residents to avoid contact with Patient Zero. Scott urged residents to follow The Holler Herald for continuing coverage.
“He interrupted the emergency briefing to ask if we could say the website again,” one responder confirmed. “Then he asked whether the press conference would count as a backlink.”
Inside the Herald newsroom, staff members began implementing an emergency continuity plan consisting of locking the door and communicating with their publisher through a slightly open window.
Scott reportedly approved the arrangement, provided someone remembered the scheduled posts.
“He’s still giving editorial notes,” McCoy said. “They’re mostly ‘braaaaains,’ but honestly, we’ve worked from less.”
Authorities have not identified the source of the outbreak. Scott recalled being bitten in the woods but initially dismissed the incident because the individual responsible “looked like somebody who knew a good fishing spot.”
By late afternoon, officials had established a perimeter.
Scott asked them to move the caution tape because it was covering the logo.
At press time, he had requested that all official documents refer to him as “Patient Zero and Founder.”
The Holler Herald — West Virginia’s Least Reliable News Source.
