KANAWHA COUNTY, WV — A West Virginia grandmother has officially disowned two of her grandchildren after discovering they prepared chicken in an air fryer instead of the cast-iron skillet their family has used for four generations.
Seventy-four-year-old Loretta Mae Hensley became suspicious Sunday afternoon when she entered her granddaughter’s kitchen and did not smell grease, seasoned flour or the faint possibility of a small house fire.
“I knew something wasn’t right,” Hensley said. “The kitchen was clean, nobody had flour on their clothes, and there wasn’t a single paper towel soaked in grease beside the stove.”
Hensley reportedly found the family’s cast-iron skillet stored beneath the counter while a modern air fryer sat in its former place of honor.
Her grandchildren attempted to explain that air-fried chicken was healthier and required less cleanup.
“If the Lord wanted chicken cooked with wind, He wouldn’t have invented Crisco,” Hensley replied.
Witnesses said the situation escalated when one grandchild described the chicken as “just as crispy.”
Loretta allegedly took one bite, stared silently across the kitchen and asked why it sounded like she was chewing a throw pillow.
Within the hour, she had removed both grandchildren from her will, changed the emergency contact information at her doctor’s office and reclaimed three casserole dishes she had previously promised them.
“She came in carrying empty grocery bags and started taking her Pyrex back,” granddaughter Madison Hensley said. “She said people who cook chicken in a countertop tornado can buy their own dishes.”
Family members arranged a reconciliation dinner Monday evening, but negotiations collapsed after Loretta learned the grandchildren had also washed the cast-iron skillet with dish soap.
“At that point, the air fryer was no longer the main issue,” said a relative who asked not to be identified. “We were dealing with a complete breakdown of family values.”
Loretta has since updated her will, leaving the skillet to a neighbor’s 12-year-old son who once told her he preferred drumsticks.
“He has promise,” she said. “And his mother owns shortening.”
The grandchildren insist they still love their grandmother and hope she will eventually reconsider.
Loretta said forgiveness remains possible but would require a handwritten apology, six pounds of properly fried chicken and the immediate removal of the air fryer from the premises.
At press time, the appliance was sitting beside the road beneath a cardboard sign reading:
FREE TO A NON-FAMILY MEMBER
The Holler Herald — West Virginia’s Least Reliable News Source
If it happens in the hills, we’ll probably report it. If it didn’t, give us about twenty minutes.
