MORGANTOWN, WV — A West Virginia man is reportedly refusing to become emotionally invested in the undefeated Mountaineers, citing decades of previous experience and “a suspicious feeling that happiness is usually followed by a holding penalty.”
The Mountaineers are 3-0 and preparing to face Oklahoma State Saturday night at 7 p.m., creating what experts have described as the most dangerous possible situation for a West Virginia football fan:
Hope.
“I’m excited, but I’m not excited excited,” said 44-year-old lifelong fan Kevin Harper. “I’ve made that mistake before.”
Harper said he has spent the week attempting to remain calm despite the undefeated record, a nationally televised night game and growing speculation that the Mountaineers may actually be good.
He has repeatedly reminded friends and family that it is still early, Oklahoma State is dangerous and West Virginia football has historically punished anyone who begins feeling confident.
“I’m allowing myself to believe we have a chance,” Harper said. “That is as far as I’m willing to go without speaking to a therapist.”
West Virginia night games were once considered among the most intimidating environments in college football. Visiting teams entering Morgantown after dark were greeted by a packed stadium, deafening noise and approximately 60,000 people who had spent the entire day preparing emotionally and, in many cases, chemically.
Older fans still speak reverently about those nights.
“You could feel it,” Harper said. “The lights, the crowd, the cold mountain air and everybody yelling like the other team had personally raised their property taxes.”
With Saturday’s kickoff scheduled for 7 p.m., many fans believe the old night-game atmosphere could return.
Harper refuses to discuss that possibility.
“That’s exactly how they get you,” he said. “First you start talking about the atmosphere. Then you watch old highlight videos. Next thing you know, you’re pricing hotel rooms for the conference championship.”
According to Harper’s wife, he has already displayed several warning signs of premature optimism.
On Monday, he casually mentioned that the team “looks different this year.”
On Tuesday, he watched the remaining schedule and quietly calculated how many games appeared winnable.
By Wednesday evening, he had searched for updated national rankings four times while insisting rankings “don’t matter.”
“He thinks I don’t notice,” she said. “But last night I heard him whisper, ‘If we beat Oklahoma State…’ and then he just stopped talking.”
Harper denied the accusation.
“I may have started that sentence,” he admitted. “But I did not finish it. That shows maturity.”
State officials are warning Mountaineer fans to watch for other symptoms of excessive hope, including checking bowl projections before October, referring to the quarterback as “special” and saying things like, “Nobody wants to come into Morgantown at night.”
Anyone experiencing all three symptoms is advised to sit down, drink some water and remember at least one game from the last fifteen years.
Local sports psychologist Dr. Raymond Miller said longtime West Virginia fans often develop a defensive condition known as Preemptive Mountaineer Disappointment.
“It’s a coping mechanism,” Miller explained. “The fan expects something terrible to happen so that, when it does, he can say, ‘I knew it,’ instead of admitting that a football game ruined his entire weekend.”
The condition can become especially severe when West Virginia begins a season undefeated.
“These fans want to believe,” Miller said. “But belief makes them vulnerable.”
Harper has taken several precautions ahead of Saturday’s game.
He has refused to predict a final score, has not purchased any new West Virginia clothing and will not use the phrase “statement win” under any circumstances.
He also plans to keep his excitement under control during the game.
“If we score first, I’m staying calm,” he said. “If we go up by two touchdowns, I’m staying calm. If we’re ahead with two minutes left, I’ll begin preparing for something deeply upsetting.”
Despite his caution, Harper admitted there is something different about a Saturday-night game in Morgantown with the Mountaineers undefeated.
He paused for several seconds before speaking.
“The place is going to be rocking,” he said quietly. “Oklahoma State might not know what hit them.”
Harper immediately realized what he had said.
He knocked on the wooden coffee table three times, turned his Mountaineer hat backward and announced that West Virginia would probably lose by 30.
At press time, he had invited 14 people to his house for the game but continued insisting he “wasn’t getting his hopes up.”
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