POINT PLEASANT, WV — After nearly six decades of rumors, documentaries, festivals, blurry photographs and tourists blaming him for virtually every unexplained occurrence in Mason County, the Mothman issued a public statement Monday asking everyone to “please find somebody else to blame for a while.”
Speaking before reporters near the Ohio River, the legendary winged creature said he has grown increasingly frustrated with being connected to everything from strange lights in the sky to missing livestock, malfunctioning electronics and unexplained noises coming from the woods.
“I showed up a couple times in the ’60s and somehow I’ve been working full-time ever since,” Mothman said. “Do you people understand how long ago that was? I haven’t had a weekend off since 1966.”
According to Mothman, tourists regularly arrive in Point Pleasant expecting him to personally explain every unusual event occurring within a 50-mile radius.
“Your check-engine light came on? Mothman. Wi-Fi went out? Mothman. Dog starts barking at two in the morning? Apparently that’s me too,” he said. “Last week somebody blamed me because their DoorDash order went to the wrong house. I don’t even have the app.”
Mothman also strongly denied allegations that he has been moving residents’ trail cameras.
“I have wings,” he said while visibly pointing toward them. “Why would I spend my evenings walking around the woods moving your $49 trail camera six inches to the left?” The press conference briefly became tense when a tourist asked whether Mothman’s appearance could be interpreted as a warning that another disaster was approaching. “No,” Mothman replied.
The tourist then asked if the unusually short answer itself should be interpreted as a warning.
Mothman stared silently at the reporter for approximately 14 seconds.
“See?” he eventually said. “This is exactly what I’m talking about.”
Local tourism officials acknowledged that Mothman may have a legitimate complaint but expressed concern that clearing his name could negatively affect the regional economy.
“We sympathize with him,” one official said. “But you can't exactly put ‘Come Visit Point Pleasant: Probably Nothing Weird Happening’ on a billboard.”
Mothman concluded the press conference by announcing plans to take a two-week vacation somewhere nobody would recognize him.
When asked where he planned to go, he declined to provide a location.
Within 20 minutes, several social media groups began speculating that his refusal to reveal his destination was evidence of an impending catastrophe.
Mothman was last seen flying toward the hills while reportedly yelling something that could not be printed in a family newspaper.
The Holler Herald — West Virginia’s Least Reliable News Source
If it happens in the hills, we’ll probably report it. If it didn’t, give us about twenty minutes.
Know somebody who blames Mothman every time something weird happens? Share this with them. The man has wings, not unlimited PTO.
