MORGANTOWN, WV — Mountaineer fans began recovering from the team’s first loss of the season Sunday morning after realizing that, despite the disappointment, things could have been significantly worse.
They could have been born into a Pitt family.
“I was pretty upset last night,” lifelong West Virginia fan Mark Hensley said. “I stared at the television for about 20 minutes after the game and questioned every decision that brought me to that moment.”
Hensley said his mood improved after seeing a photograph of a family wearing matching Pitt shirts.
“That really put things into perspective,” he said. “We lost one football game. Those people have to live like that every day.”
Across the state, Mountaineer supporters reportedly used similar coping methods while processing the defeat.
Some watched old highlight videos. Others complained about the play calling, the officiating and at least three penalties they could not clearly explain.
Many simply whispered “Eat shit Pitt” until their blood pressure returned to normal.
“We’re hurting, but we still have our dignity,” fan Melissa Harper said. “Nobody in my family has ever willingly worn clothing with a panther on it.”
Harper credited her parents for raising her properly.
“My dad taught me to change a tire, shake hands firmly and never trust a Pitt fan,” she said. “Those are the values that hold a family together.”
Mental-health experts say comparing personal hardship to the continued existence of Pitt football is a common coping strategy throughout West Virginia.
“It helps fans recognize that pain is temporary,” local counselor Steve Parsons explained. “A loss lasts one week. Being a Pitt fan is usually passed down through generations.”
Several Mountaineer fans admitted they briefly considered staying away from sports talk radio, message boards and social media until the team wins again.
That plan lasted approximately nine minutes.
By Sunday afternoon, supporters had already identified 14 reasons the loss did not count, eight ways the season could still end successfully and one freshman who should apparently replace everybody.
Hensley said he remains disappointed but optimistic.
“You can’t win them all,” he said. “Besides, I woke up in West Virginia, put on a Mountaineer shirt and nobody in my house asked where the panther costume was.”
He paused before adding one final thought.
“Honestly, we’re going to be fine.”
At press time, Mountaineer fans had officially moved through denial, anger, bargaining and acceptance before settling comfortably into making fun of Pitt.
The Holler Herald — West Virginia’s Least Reliable News Source
If it happens in the hills, we’ll probably report it. If it didn’t, give us about twenty minutes.
