WEST VIRGINIA — Local resident Kevin Hensley left work Monday afternoon and immediately concluded that something had gone terribly wrong with the passage of time.
“It’s the middle of the damn night,” Hensley said, entering his truck at 5:14 p.m.
His dashboard disagreed.
Hensley briefly suspected the clock had reset before remembering that he had personally changed it the previous morning while explaining to his family how the whole thing worked.
The drive home reportedly took 26 minutes, although Hensley described it as “being out all night.”
By the time he reached his driveway, he had decided against every remaining activity on the household calendar.
His wife, Melissa, reminded him that they needed groceries.
“Tomorrow,” he replied.
“It is tomorrow’s groceries.”
“We’ll figure something out.”
Inside the house, Hensley changed into sweatpants with the urgency of a man securing a building before a hurricane. He then lowered himself into his recliner and asked whether anyone else was ready for bed.
The microwave displayed 5:52.
According to Melissa, the family still needed to cook dinner, finish laundry, and locate a permission slip that had been “right here” since Thursday.
Kevin suggested moving all three items to the following business day.
“He was outside mowing until almost nine in June,” Melissa said. “Now he needs a recovery period because he drove past a streetlight.”
Hensley defended the change, arguing that darkness creates obligations of its own.
“If I go back out there, I have to start the whole evening again.”
At 6:08, one of his daughters asked for a ride to a friend’s house.
Kevin looked toward the window.
“People are still going places?”
At press time, he had agreed to make the grocery run but asked everyone to keep their phones nearby.
He did not like the idea of being on the road that late.
The Holler Herald — West Virginia’s Least Reliable News Source.
