BOONE COUNTY, WV — What was supposed to be a routine 45-minute drive turned into a three-hour expedition Sunday afternoon after a local man refused to follow GPS directions, insisting he knew a shortcut that would shave at least ten minutes off the trip.
According to family members, 54-year-old Ronnie Pritchard announced he knew a better way approximately four minutes after leaving the driveway.
"That GPS don't know these roads like I do," Pritchard reportedly declared before turning onto a narrow gravel road that had not seen a state highway truck since the Carter administration.
His wife, Linda, became concerned when the pavement ended.
His daughter became concerned when the cell service disappeared.
His son became concerned when they passed the same abandoned refrigerator for the third time.
"I told him we should've stayed on Route 119," Linda said. "But he kept saying we were about to come out right behind the old gas station. That gas station burned down in 1987."
The family reportedly encountered two creek crossings, a locked cattle gate, and a man sitting on his porch who informed them the road hadn't gone anywhere since the mine shut down.
Pritchard dismissed the warning.
"He probably ain't from around here," he told his family.
Authorities say the situation became particularly concerning when Pritchard turned onto what appeared to be an overgrown logging road, explaining that it used to connect to the main highway.
When his daughter pointed out that trees were growing in the middle of the road, Pritchard replied, "They must not maintain it like they used to."
At one point, the family's GPS reportedly stopped providing directions and simply displayed the words "Good luck."
Despite repeated requests to turn around, Pritchard maintained complete confidence in his navigation skills.
"I know exactly where we're at," he said. "They just changed the roads."
The family eventually returned to civilization after following a mail carrier for eleven miles.
Their original destination had closed two hours earlier.
When asked whether he would use GPS on the return trip, Pritchard reportedly shook his head.
"Nah. I know a quicker way back."
At press time, Linda was researching divorce attorneys with four-wheel-drive vehicles.
The Holler Herald — West Virginia's Least Reliable News Source
If it happens in the hills, we'll probably report it. If it didn't, give us about twenty minutes.
