The Sunday Edition

Local Man Says He Expected WVU to Break His Heart, Somehow Still Appears Surprised

Longtime fan insists he knew better than to feel optimistic, despite spending the entire week explaining why the Mountaineers were definitely going to win.

Hunter Spends $8,000 to Outsmart Deer That Regularly Crosses Road in Front of Dollar General

Dale investigates the increasingly advanced equipment required to pursue an animal routinely seen eating beside a drainage ditch.

Officials Clarify West Virginia Population Isn’t Shrinking, It’s Spreading

State leaders say departing residents are establishing “forward operating hollers” throughout the country as part of a long-term Appalachian expansion plan.

West Virginia Man Adds Another Vehicle to Yard After Confirming It “Still Has a Good Motor”

The vehicle has no title, three tires and a tree growing through the passenger floorboard. He insists it is not junk because he “might need something off it.”

Volunteer Fire Department Fundraiser Raises $14,000 and Three Unwanted Roosters

The community donated generously through cash, baked goods, raffle baskets and several items organizers never agreed to accept.

Dollar General Opens New Location Inside Existing Dollar General

Company officials explain that residents were being forced to walk nearly 40 feet from the canned goods to the nearest Dollar General.

Washington Throws Early Birthday Party for Babydog After Learning She Was the Only One Everyone Could Agree On

The celebration reportedly featured cake, a birthday crown and several lawmakers briefly remembering how to cooperate.

WV Meteorologist Cuts Open 47 Persimmon Seeds Until He Finds One Predicting the Winter He Wants

Earl started with a seed predicting mild weather and refused to accept it.

West Virginia Fall Weather Requires Dressing for All Four Seasons

You’ll probably need three of them before lunch.

Opinion: It’s Hot Dog Chili. “Sauce” Is What You Put on Spaghetti.

West Virginia has survived floods, mine wars and several heartbreaking football seasons. Whether it can survive the hot dog chili debate remains unclear.

Local Man Announces He Will Eat Just One Christmas Tree Cake, Accidentally Purchases 63-Pound Version

Josh Scott Outdoors founder insists the oversized snack still counts as one cake and therefore does not violate his diet.

County Commission Delays Vote Until Everyone Can Remember What They’re Voting On

Officials remain confident the motion was important, although nobody can recall what it would actually accomplish.

Local Man Afraid to Get Excited About 3-0 Mountaineers Due to Previous Emotional Damage

West Virginia’s upcoming Saturday-night game has reportedly caused dangerous levels of hope throughout the state.

Local Deer Files Restraining Order Against Man Who Has Checked Same Trail Camera 14 Times Today

Court documents allege the hunter also maintains 37,000 photographs of the deer and has already named him “Big Eight.”

The Holler Herald Weather

If you don’t like the weather in West Virginia, just wait an hour.

Mothman Issues Statement Asking Tourists to Stop Blaming Him for Everything Weird in Point Pleasant

“I showed up a couple times in the ’60s and somehow I’ve been working full-time ever since.”

BREAKING: Black Panther Sighting Sends Rural West Virginia Community Into Full-Blown Panic

WV Man Successfully Avoids Charleston Pothole, Immediately Hits Larger Pothole

Witnesses describe the brief moment between potholes as “the smoothest six feet of road in Charleston.”