All Stories

Local Hunter Declares Woods “Completely Dead” After Alerting Everything Within Two Miles of His Arrival

“I got in there real quiet,” says man whose thermos is still rolling downhill.

Flatwoods Monster Advisory Reminds Residents That Owning a Flashlight Does Not Put Them in Charge

West Virginia Family Buys Halloween Candy Early, Begins Third Replacement Bag

“This one is definitely for the trick-or-treaters,” says woman hiding empty wrappers beneath coffee grounds.

Mothman Advisory Urges Residents to Let Creature Finish Warning Before Asking for a Picture

West Virginia Man Takes Scenic Route Home, Arrives in Time to Leave for Work

“It comes out right over here,” he said, approximately three counties before it did.

Bigfoot Identification Advisory Issued After Cooler Disappearances

West Virginia Halloween Costumes Now Require Ventilation as Summer Refuses to Leave

Earl’s weekly outlook: cool mornings, afternoons in the 70s, and a dinosaur costume nobody checked for airflow.

West Virginia Hunter Photographs Bigfoot, Still Sees No Deer

“Apparently everything in these woods can walk past my blind except an eight-point.”

Why West Virginia Would Not Survive the Zombie Apocalypse

Experts cite poor cell service, stubborn residents and the certainty that someone will hide a bite because it “ain’t that bad.”

Call Center Agent Who “Couldn’t Help With Winning Lottery Numbers” Quits After Hitting Jackpot

Customers begin questioning whether there really was nothing else he could help them with.

West Virginia Woman Buys Decorative Fall Blanket, Husband Immediately Claims It as His Regular Blanket

The $48 throw was intended to complete an autumn display. It now smells like chili.

West Virginia Man Learns at 43 That “Falling Rock” Signs Are Not Memorials to Missing Chief’s Daughter

“He pointed right at the sign while he told it. You don’t expect a man to have documentation for a lie.”

Church Announces Trunk-or-Treat, Three Other Churches Immediately Schedule Theirs for Same Time

Parents advised to bring comfortable shoes, a full tank of gas, and someone who understands logistics.

Bigfoot Sightings Drop 94% After Local Man’s Facebook Account Gets Suspended

Investigators discover the creature’s migration pattern closely followed one man’s days off.

Local Hunter Checks Trail Camera 86 Times, Concludes Deer Need to Spend Less Time on His Property at Night

“They know when I’m at work,” says man who has provided deer with his complete schedule.

90,000 People Apply to Move to West Virginia, Residents Ask What They Were Told

“Did they visit in October? Because that feels like withholding information,” one local says.

West Virginia Man Turns Heat On for First Time, Family Briefly Evacuates Over Smell Everyone Recognizes

“It’s just burning the dust off,” says father with no apparent plans to investigate.

West Virginia Man Refuses GPS, Takes Family on Three-Hour Shortcut Through Roads Not Recognized by State

Local father insists he knows a faster way despite mounting evidence that he does not.

West Virginia Weather Expected to Remain Suspiciously Pleasant All Week

Residents advised to wear a jacket in the morning and carry it around unnecessarily by lunchtime.

Thousands Leave Bridge Day Confident They Could Also BASE Jump If They “Had the Right Equipment”

Most reached this conclusion while standing safely behind a railing and eating a funnel cake.

The Holler Herald’s Official Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse in West Virginia

Your strategy depends entirely on whether the zombies shuffle slowly or run like somebody just announced free pepperoni rolls.

Morgantown Officials Urge Fans to Burn Couches Responsibly Following WVU Homecoming Victory

After a 3–0 start and three straight losses, one nervous sectional admits it had begun to believe it might survive the season.

Area Man’s Bumper Stickers Enter Heated Constitutional Debate During Traffic Stop

“Back the Blue” requests full cooperation while “Don’t Tread on Me” demands the driver ask whether he is being detained.

Charleston Convention Center Renamed Vandalia Health Center, Entire City Responds, ‘I’m Not Calling It That’

Officials announced the new name with great confidence. Charleston residents immediately announced a different plan.

How Long Is ‘Just Down the Road’ in West Virginia?

An investigation finds the familiar unit of distance can range from two driveways to forty-seven mountain miles.

Opinion: We Cut the Cable Cord and Somehow Rebuilt Cable One App at a Time

Americans escaped expensive cable packages only to replace them with nine subscriptions, three passwords and a monthly bill requiring its own spreadsheet.

Local Man Fills First Tag of Season Without Ever Leaving Truck

Hunter credits years of preparation, careful scouting and one extremely unfortunate stretch of highway.

Twenty Phrases That Mean Something Different in West Virginia

A translation guide for ‘might could,’ ‘over yonder’ and eighteen other expressions that are already perfectly clear.

Local Man Discovers He Can Disagree With Facebook Post Without Announcing It

The historic breakthrough occurred when he encountered an opinion he disliked, moved his thumb upward and continued living his life.

Mountaineer Fans Demand Entire Staff Be Fired After WVU Plummets to Unacceptable 3-3 Record

Supporters say the coaching staff, athletic department, equipment managers and whoever selects the stadium music should begin packing immediately.